Mischief the Wonder Cat's Christmas Lessons

1. A freshly made gingerbread house cannot support 9 pounds of weight.

2. Sitting on said house will not get you free sweet treats (especially when you are diabetic)...it WILL get you an hour in the bathtub.

3. Humans do not have a sense of humor about you knocking Baby Jesus off the table and onto the floor.

4. Humans have less of a sense of humor when you proceed to play hockey with Baby Jesus (thankfully, the set isn't breakable!).

5. Despite your superior knowledge, humans will not agree that the ornaments look better on the floor.

6. Knocking the tree over is not the way to get your human's attention (it's only a 36" tree, luckily).

7. Humans that go shopping at the mall return in a state of insanity - this is not the time to have shredded the stack of Christmas letter inserts left on the table.

8. Tape does not make your fur more attractive...it does involve much pulling out of fur to remove.

9. If you're going to sleep in the gift bags, make sure you only sleep in the ones going to people who aren't allergic to cats.

10. Putting your stuffed snail in the middle of the wrapping paper will not encourage your human to wrap it for you.

11. Humans do not need our assistance in wrapping gifts.

12. Writing Christmas cards is very stressful for humans - it is sometimes important that you sleep on the box to save them (see example to the right).

13. Sleeping on the box of freshly made Christmas cookies will not gain you any extra presents.

14. Half-dead spiders are not meant to be left on the tree when your human is arachnaphobic. They are not decorations.

15. The bows on the presents are not meant to be pulled off by you.

16. Just because the stocking is big enough for you to fit in does not give you the right to crawl into it and knock it down.

17. You will not get sympathy for attempting this. And the most important rule of all...

18. When your human is very frazzled, at his/her wit's end, it is your duty to crawl into their lap and not move until they fall asleep. They're incapable of relaxing on their own.

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